It’s about time you showed up, I have been waiting for you for years! I hope you brought some snacks, I like pineapple...

Things that bite:

• Those people that sell kitchen knives at shows like the Southern Women's Show, but they don't REALLY let you buy the knives because they say you can only buy them from a knife representative at a knife show. So why exactly are they at the show? Why isn't being at this show considered being at a knife show? And why do they call it a knife show and not a knife party? Doesn't "knife party" sound much better than "knife show"? I guess I'll never understand the complex web of cutlery. I'm exhausted already, I need to go sit down, I'll be back shortly.
• My cat is growing old. Day by day, his creaky bones wither to the beat of the cursed death clock. I think his transformation from body and spirit to spirit (if such an event occurs) will be a difficult one due to his highly physical existence, even in his dreams he chases something. What will he become when he has no legs for running? No eyes for stalking? No nose for nuzzling? No paw for playing? No tail for twitching? No tongue for bathing? Will he spend his spiritual eternity reflecting upon his prior physical existence? These questions only raise more and force me to aggravatingly accept that, for now, some answers remain hidden.
• Shoes with a hollow heel. Eventually a tiny rock is going to make its way into the heel and then you will sound like a Maraca with each step you take.

Things that rock:

• I will find a space ship made of gold, diamonds and sapphires with my metal detector, in my backyard.
• Diet Cokes and Slim Jims will become the official breakfast of champions.
• Kleenex will replace the current U.S. currency. Only until I run out of Kleenex, then the U.S. will go back to what the currency was prior to the switchover to Kleenex.
• My hamster Alexis will learn to scale walls, then and only then will she truly be able to rule the universe.

GO! DO! It's almost over:)

Jennifer - March 2012